And More Truth...

I've already gotten a few emails and responses from people regarding "The Truth" and I want to clarify a few things.  Every adoption journey has a different story.  I encourage people to NOT judge anyone's adoption journey - it is very personal.  Furthermore, I am in no way saying that every adoption has corruption in it.  There are SO MANY kids out there that need a family, which makes our experience that much more frustrating.  

Why did you share your story?  A few reasons.  First of all, we did NOT share it to discourage anyone from adopting internationally.  We are still very much considering trying again.  We had someone tell us that adoption isn't easy and God made it that way for a reason.  He will stretch you to see if this is really what he calling you to do.  We believe that.

We are sharing our story because so many people partnered with us and we have chosen to be open in all aspects of this journey - the good, bad & ugly.  We also don't want other prospective adoptive parents to experience what we did (see below for what we would have done differently). 

Is there a need for international adoption?  There are kids of all ages who need families all over the world.  We feel strongly that adoptive families are not "rescuing" the children to give them a "better" life.  If a child can stay with their parents or biological relatives with some training and support, then that is what should happen!  International adoption should be the last resort.

What cases should a child be adopted internationally?

-  Unfortunately, parents get sick and often times die. 

-  Sadly, some parents chose not to raise their children.  They don't want to put in the effort to provide love, shelter, and food.  Despite being offered parenting training and financial assistance, they just don't want to parent for one reason or another.  In some cultures, when parents get divorced it is the man's right to take his children.  Then, he gets remarried and his new wife rejects his children from his first marriage.  Those kids are then forced out of the home. 

-  There are also kids who are born with special needs.  For instance, I recently connected with a woman who is adopting a deaf child.  This little girl is amazingly beautiful, but rejected by her own parents.  They see her deafness as a curse.  Her father abused her to the point that her mother took her to an orphanage and begged them to take her because she feared that her husband would kill their daughter.  They abandoned her when she was 2 years old.  Now at age 7, she has a family who is eagerly waiting to bring her home (please pray for them!).  Furthermore, there are children who have diseases that are a death sentence if they remain in their country.  However, if they come to America, receive the right treatment, they will live a full life.  Another example of a "special need," is a sibling group.  Relatives sometimes cannot take in 3-6 kids, but the kids all want to stay together.  So, the kids go into an orphanage or live on the street.

-  Extended family and people in their own country should be given a chance to take the kids in FIRST.  If all else fails, they deserve a family that will LOVE and CARE for them - that is where international adoption comes in.

What would we have done different?

Unfortunately, we just worked with the wrong people. 

If we start all over again...

-  We will chose a placing agency that had experience in the country we were adopting from.  We thought that it was enough that the agency had experience in other international countries, but it wasn't.  At least not for us.  We considered using a large agency, but worried we wouldn't receive personalized attention.  We have been extremely happy with the "large" agency that did our homestudy.

-  We wish we would have done third party orphan investigation right away.  A Child's Voice in Uganda is amazing.  It is possible to do this without even asking your agency.  BUT, do you want to work with an agency that wouldn't allow you to advocate on your own behalf?

-  We would do research on the in-country coordinators.  We would get recent references for the attorney the agency uses, plus the orphanage.

-  There are discussion groups on Facebook that I would recommend anyone considering adopting from Uganda join.  I did not know about them until the end of June.  The groups are called Truth in UG and Uganda Adoption.  The people in these groups provide tons of valuable info, but it is important to note that you have to sort out the info and decide for yourself.  What is right for them, might not be right for you. 

What is going to happen to the agency & orphanage? 

This question will be answered when we can.  We don't want to compromise the ongoing investigation.

What are we grateful for that came out of this process?

-  All of the people who have come along side us!  We are so blessed.

-  Our family has grown in our faith.  We feel called to serve orphans.  Maybe God is calling us to adopt a different child?  One who is has been over looked because of their age or a special need?  Maybe He is calling us to partner with an organization that helps families stay together?  Help provide education to those living in poverty? 

-  I'd like to think that because of what happened it may have prevented Nora from going into the orphanage.  Her family thought that she was going to be sponsored by us for school.  They were deceived into signing papers that they didn't understand.  What if we would have taken her from her family that wanted her?  I'm glad that now they know what could have happened and hopefully they can continue successfully caring for her..

In closing, there are very complicated emotions with this whole process.  We're getting through it the best we can and appreciate your support.  Things happen in life that we wish we didn't have to experience.  One thing is for certain - God is good all the time.  We take comfort in knowing that He is in charge of all the details of our lives.   

The Truth

Picture source

It has been an interesting summer to say the least.  I've tried to start this post about 10 times and I cannot even find the right words.  I want to start out by saying that even after what we have been through we still firmly believe that there is a need for adoption.  There are great agencies and orphanages out there - trying to do the right thing for the child AND families on both sides of the ocean.  There are parents who cannot raise their children for whatever reason.  There are children who need families to love them.

Update on Sweet "Nora" 

*Nora is not her real name, but instead what we had lovingly named her.

Good news first!  We are delighted to report that Nora is doing really well.  She lives with her aunt and cousin of the same age.  She just finished her semester at her private nursery school.  Nora turns 5 years old this fall.  Wait... what?!  I thought she had no family that could care for her and she was living in an orphanage?!  Yep, that is what we thought too.  Unfortunately, we have learned and experienced first hand that International Adoption in some countries can be full of unethical practices. 

The Story

As you know, we first contacted our agency last fall after seeing a child from Uganda represented by them as a Waiting Child on the Rainbow Kids website.  Rainbow Kids defines a Waiting Child as "real" and "available for adoption."  Furthermore, the site highlights that the agencies who have chosen to profile a Waiting Child have "invested incredible amounts of time and resources to advocate for these particular children."  We were told that the four year old little girl was in desperate need.  She was a double orphan living at Shared Hope Orphanage since May 2013 and that surviving biological relatives could not care for her.  We relied upon these specific and concrete representations made by the agency and began the process to adopt Nora. 

Despite the fact that we had not started our homestudy process, we went through the screening process with the agency.  Our application was delivered and we were selected as a prospective adoption family to be paired with Nora pending homestudy approval and dossier delivery.  We learned that the agency had an in-country facilitator on the ground in Uganda who was working on getting all of the paperwork and documentation needed as backup for the Uganda court and U.S. Embassy approval processes.  The agency provided a medical report, plus relinquishments from maternal grandmother and paternal uncle for Nora. 

After completing our homestudy and dossier paperwork, we submitted our dossier in April 2014.  We were told that we would be traveling very soon to meet Nora, so we started purchasing necessary items for her and planning our trip to Uganda. 

On June 12th, we found out that we would not be able to adopt Nora.  Our family was told that unbeknownst to anyone involved in our adoption, Nora was born into a Muslim family.  The Muslim cleric protested her adoption into an American family and her maternal grandmother withdrew her consent.  The agency advised that there was nothing else we could do.  We were also informed that a Muslim family was going to adopt Nora.

On July 8th, we received information on a few waiting children.  We decided that although it was very painful to go through a “failed” adoption, we still very much wanted to adopt a child who needed a family. 

On July 16th, we had a phone conversation with the agency to discuss our desire to hire a third party private orphan investigator (request was initially made a month prior with no clear response from the agency).  We provided many examples of stories of corruption we had recently heard about from talking with families who had used the same attorney and/or orphanage that the agency has partnered with.  We were reassured that all of the agency’s in-country facilitators were extremely trustworthy.   

On July 21st, we received an email saying that the agency would not allow us to do an orphan investigation.  The next day we responded saying that we had no choice, but to mutually agree to resolve the relationship with the agency and peacefully dissolve financial matters.   

On July 23rd, we received a phone call saying that we could in fact do an orphan investigation.  However, we were informed that the investigator would have to report directly to and work with the agency's facilitators.  Oddly, the waiting child that we had received information on the week before – was no longer available.  As a result of these conversations with agency personnel, we became increasingly uneasy with our relationship.  Therefore, on July 28th, we hired A Child’s Voice to do an orphan investigation in hopes of discovering the truth behind our “failed” adoption.  In less than a week, the orphan investigation proved that many of the details the agency told us about our “failed” adoption of Nora were blatantly false.

These are the facts stated below: 

1. First of all, the agency did in fact have a case before that had failed.  We actually have spoken to this family many times over the past month.  The agency had proof that information provided to them by the in-country coordinator in this case was fraudulent and still did nothing to improve the process.  Instead, the agency discouraged us from doing a third party orphan investigation.   
2.  Nora’s family did not ask for help; instead the director for Shared Hope Orphanage approached her family.  Her grandmother was told that an American family wanted to “sponsor her” to attend his school.  Luckily, Nora had a semester left in the private nursery school that her aunt had paid for and her family wanted her to finish it. 
3.  We were told that Nora arrived at the orphanage in May 2013, but the truth is she has never stayed at the orphanage.  The orphanage director himself admitted this fact to us.  Nora is a double orphan, but she lives with her maternal aunt.  They live in a proper house that the aunt is renting.  The family is sustaining itself well.  They are more than happy to care for Nora and never knowingly consented to her adoption as they don’t see a need for it.   
4. When our dossier was submitted, the agency’s in-country representatives tried to take Nora from her family to go to the orphanage.  She still had a week left in her other school.  It was at this time that the family was told in order for Nora to attend the school they were required to consent to adoption.  All of Nora’s extended family strongly objected and the adoption fell apart.  
5. The agency's in-country coordinator was fully aware of these details and helped orchestrate the deception.  He met with Nora’s family, provided us with pictures, took her to the doctor, etc.  The agency's in country coordinator obviously failed to adequately explain our family’s intentions when he provided Nora’s family the information and pictures that we sent January 2014.  The agency told us at that time that we had the grandmother’s blessing to adopt Nora.  Obviously, that was not the case. 

The agency failed in its required industry standard for due diligence.  If the agency had

taken the time for their own investigation, our family could have been saved from insurmountable heartache.  Instead, the agency acted in a grossly negligent (and potentially fraudulent) manner and repeatedly ignored red flags.  Based on the facts provided above, this was not international adoption, it was child trafficking for the financial gain of a few individuals.  Nora never met the definition of a “Waiting Child” as represented, and it is clear that the agency’s facilitators are engaging in severely suspect and questionable behavior in Uganda.  

Placing Agency

After researching international adoption for 3 years, we chose a small agency because they had a "waiting child" that needed a family.  This choice was made after doing extensive research - interviewing the agency, contacting families who had used them for international adoptions in other countries, our homestudy agency did a background check, we reviewed their tax return to see if they were involved in re-uniting families and financially stable, etc.

The Director of this agency is an adoptive parent and started the agency 25 years ago.  Our caseworker has worked for the agency for 20 years.  We were reassured that the agency had done over 3,200 domestic and international adoptions and that in-country partners were very experienced in Ugandan adoptions.  We conveyed our desire to ensure that everything in our adoption was done ethically through numerous phone calls and emails with the agency.  The agency told us that they had no reason not to trust the in-country coordinator, attorney, or orphanage.  Our family was to be one of the “pioneers” for the agency’s Uganda program.  There was just one case ahead of us that was progressing successfully.  We were also told many times that the agency did not have any referrals or adoptions in Uganda that had “failed.”   

It all sounds legit doesn't it?  We thought so!  It turned out to be far from that.  We have dissolved our relationship with our placing agency and thankfully received reimbursement for the money paid to them.  Honestly, we are not sure what all the agency knew about the lies their in-country coordinator was telling them.  But, ignorance is no excuse.  This agency should not be facilitating adoptions in Uganda.  They are not willing to take the necessary steps to protect the children or their clients.  They made absolutely no apologies for what they put our family through.  

How We Are Doing

We have great peace in knowing that Nora is where she belongs - with her first family, the ones God chose for her.  They love her, want to raise her, and have the ability to do so.  We offered to help with her education costs and they graciously declined.  Our family firmly believes that children should be raised by their biological relatives in their culture if possible.  When that is not possible, adoption is an amazingly beautiful blessing.  Children deserve a mom and dad that love them, a safe place to live, and enough food to eat.  They definitely should not grow up in orphanages.  

We plan to take as much time as we need to pray about what our next steps should be.  Chuck and I are so cautious.  We keep asking ourselves - how could this have happened?  Undoubtedly, we have and will continue to grow from this journey.  Maybe this happened because God has something else in store for us?  The money we raised for our adoption is in our savings account.  We will either use it to bring a different child into our family or will donate it to a worthy cause that serving orphans.  

Thank you for your continued prayers.

God's Bigger Plan

Over the past few weeks, we have prayed, cried, and researched.  What is going to happen to Nora now?  What should we do now?  Did we chose the right country?  Did we commit to the best agency? 

 

All we really know is that God has a bigger plan than we can even imagine.  Some days it isn't the easiest to accept that, but when we do...  He gives us abundant peace and comfort.  When everything fell apart, all we could really think of was our own grief and desires.  We have slowly gotten back to a place where we are remembering why we decided to adopt internationally.  It isn't about us.  It is about Him and a child who deserves a family. 

 

What is going to happen to Nora now?  We honestly don't know.  Our prayer is that Nora is adopted into a loving family that will teach her about Jesus, love her, and provide for her.  We have been told that the cleric group is working to find a family to foster or adopt her.  We have asked to receive updates on her and also have the opportunity to sponsor her. 

 

What should we do now?  We are just praying and waiting for His guidance.  We did tell our agency that we are open to another referral, but that could be months or a year from now. 

 

Did we chose the right country?  Although there is some talk of Uganda suspending international adoption, we feel that Uganda is where our family is called to adopt from.

 

Did we commit to the best agency?  There are so many to chose from, so this is a tough one.  We don't feel like they did anything unethical nor do we feel like they could have known this would happen.  We chose our agency because they are small & personal, we feel like we can trust them, and they are experienced (in other countries!).  We still feel good about our relationship with them.

Thank you for your prayers for Nora and our family! 

Adoption... When Things Don't Go As Planned

 

 

 

When we started this process, we knew that there were many details that were unpredictable.  Anyone who knows Chuck and I, knows that even starting this process was a huge leap of faith.  We are planners and that's just not possible with international adoption.  We tried to prepare ourselves for the many ways we would be stretched through this journey, but nothing would have prepared us for the news we received just a few days ago.

With heavy hearts, we would like to share that we cannot adopt the little girl we had planned to bring into our family.  It would be an understatement to say that we are heartbroken.  We feel like we lost a child. 

After praying for three years about adoption, we took a chance and asked about a waiting child.  We were matched with her in November 2013 and worked really hard for the past seven months to bring her home.  Things were falling into place so perfectly, that it felt like God chose "Nora" for our family.  Nora is a double orphan.  Surviving relatives from both sides signed consents.  Her birth family knew all about our family early on in the process and we were told we had their blessing to proceed.

Our dossier arrived in Uganda the beginning of May, then our court affidavits shortly after that.  We were told that there was a chance we would have Nora home with us in August.  However, on Thursday, Chuck and I received an email from our adoption agency asking us to call them for a conference call as soon as possible.  Chuck was driving home from Denver for a work trip, so we both called in separately.  Our caseworker started out by saying "there is no easy way to tell you this" and "I am very sorry."  Unbeknownst to us, Nora was born into a family of a different religion than ours.  We are choosing to leave the specific religion out.  When the religious cleric in her village found out Nora was going to be adopted into an American family, they protested and pressured her grandmother to withdraw her consent.  Now, the little girl who we fell in love with will remain in the orphanage.  Uganda is primarily a Christian nation, but this cleric is very influential.  Nora is in a Christian orphanage, so it seems to be more about the feelings regarding America than our faith.  We have been told there is nothing else we can do. 

I know from the outside, it might be hard to understand how this is so devastating.  On many levels, it can be compared to losing a child.  We have dreams for her.  We want her to feel loved and cherished.  We want her to have a family.  A mom and dad to tuck her in at night.  Siblings to love and to fight with.  Enough food to eat.  Access to an education.  We named her.  We prayed for her every single day.  She has a bedroom in our home.  Our kids picked out African American dolls for her.  She has a tub full of clothes.  We planned details of our lives around her being here.  We expected her to be here in 2 months.  Above all, we love Nora and we are devastated what this means for her future.

What are we going to do we do now?  We are praying for... the brokenness of our world, for Nora and, for God's comfort and peace, and for God's guidance on what His plan is for our family.

Like I said, we have been told there is nothing more we can do with our adoption of Nora.  We're still praying for the situation.  At the very least, we are hoping they will let us sponsor her.  Financially, we don't know how much money we lost through this process.  We know that we have paid $17,500 to date.  We may get some of this back, but it is not a huge concern of ours right now.  The money seems small in comparison to the loss of Nora. 

We do have the option to be matched with another child.  Right now, we don't feel ready to make this decision.  Our family is going to grieve this loss and see what God has in store for us.  God gave mankind free will.  He knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't mean it is what He wanted.  He hurts for us too. 

Our family is so very grateful for the support and love we have received from our family and friends through this journey.  We are still just in awe over the number of people who came along side us - to pray for Nora, help us through this process, and donate to our adoption.  Please be assured that we take financial responsibility very seriously.  All the funds raised for our adoption will remain in our separate account until we make a decision.  If we chose to not pursue international adoption further, the funds will be donated to our community's local adoption fund to help another family. 

Dossier in Uganda!

Almost 6 months after being matched with Nora - our paperwork was received in by our adoption attorney in Uganda today.  We are so very excited.

 

 

 

After how busy it has been, it is crazy that we just wait now.  Well, we have plenty to do... adoption training, catch up on everything, start getting her bedroom ready, etc.  We have been told that it will probably be August (or later) when we bring Nora home, but something we have learned is that -- international adoption is never predictable.

 

In the meantime, please join us in praying for all the children waiting for families and all the families waiting for their children! 

 

Love.  The Burgess Family

Garage Sale Gratefulness

When we started this adoption, we honestly had no idea how we were going to come up with the $35,000 to bring this little girl home in a very short amount of time.  Our family agreed that we would do whatever it took to provide Nora with a loving family.  We are so grateful that so many wonderful people have come alongside us in this journey!

The results of our garage sale fundraiser are truly an amazing story of God's provision...

• Sheridan Wesleyan Church shared their space for our fundraiser.  They were welcoming and extremely accommodating.  A HUGE thank you goes out to the Pastors, staff, and members of this congregation.
• Over 60 families donated their unwanted items from around their house to create one of the largest garage sales I have ever seen!  Not only was our family blessed abundantly by their donations, but the "shoppers" were also blessed.  They could not believe that all we wanted was a donation.
• Approximately 50 volunteers helped us: gather items, advertise our fundraiser, sort the items, work during the sale, clean-up, etc.  We could not have done it without them!
• Hundreds of people came and SHOPPED.  The bigger items were priced the first day, but then the second day all price tags came off.  Most items at the garage sale were not priced and just offered to whoever needed them -- at whatever donation they wanted to give.  I was amazed at the generosity of most of the shoppers.
• Friends and even people we didn't know - stopped by the sale to offer encouragement, tell us that they are praying for us and Nora, and make a donation. 
• Two anonymous families generously pledged matching funds of $500 and $4,000.  I am excited to share that we exceeded our goal of fully earning these matching funds! 
• Plus, a group of sweet little girls raised enough to purchase a few animals for families living in poverty.  They sat at their bake sale for close to 10 hours!!  Something as simple as a goat, can make a huge impact on a family.  It can provide nutrition, money for school (selling the milk), and also the ability to pay it forward by giving away their goat's offspring. 

When I look back over the planning and the actual event, I kind of have to chuckle.  I was stressed.  I was worried.  Was it all going to come together?!  Would we raise the funds needed?!  God, like usual, was completely in control of the details.  Every. single. detail. came together better than I even could have imagined.  This fundraiser taught me so much.  My faith has been deepened tremendously.  God has really showed Himself to us through this whole process.  I cannot wait to see what he has in store for this little girl. 

Thank you to each and every person who was a part of our fundraiser!

Garage Sale Fundraiser

I haven't posted for awhile so thought I would update everyone on how things are going!!

Paperwork Update ~
We received our final homestudy on February 28th.  Our fingerprinting appointment with U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services is March 31st in Casper.  This is the final step of our paperwork that is needed for our dossier, which will be sent over to Uganda hopefully by end of April.  Then, we just will have to wait for them to tell us we can come meet Nora.  It could be as early as June, but realistically it will probably be August.  Chuck and I will make the first trip together and be there for 1-2 weeks.  Then, I will go back about a month later to bring Nora home. 

Garage Sale Update ~
All I have to say is -- WOW!!  We have had over 30 families donate items to our fundraiser.  There is so much stuff - it is just unbelievable.  Wesleyan Church has been amazing - we are so grateful for how welcoming they have been to us.  The best part is that when we are done with our fundraiser - everything donated that does not sell will go to another local family who is also adopting and they will have a garage sale this summer.   

If you are reading this & you live in Sheridan, please help us spread the word:

PLEASE PLAN TO ATTEND & SHOP TO SUPPORT A GREAT CAUSE -
Adoption Fundraiser: Indoor Garage Sale at Sheridan Wesleyan Church (up by the airport - 404 W Brundage).
Friday, March 28th from 2pm-7pm
Saturday, March 29th from 8am-2pm
http://burgessadoptionjourney.blogspot.com

God Bless!  Nicki