Adoption... When Things Don't Go As Planned

 

 

 

When we started this process, we knew that there were many details that were unpredictable.  Anyone who knows Chuck and I, knows that even starting this process was a huge leap of faith.  We are planners and that's just not possible with international adoption.  We tried to prepare ourselves for the many ways we would be stretched through this journey, but nothing would have prepared us for the news we received just a few days ago.

With heavy hearts, we would like to share that we cannot adopt the little girl we had planned to bring into our family.  It would be an understatement to say that we are heartbroken.  We feel like we lost a child. 

After praying for three years about adoption, we took a chance and asked about a waiting child.  We were matched with her in November 2013 and worked really hard for the past seven months to bring her home.  Things were falling into place so perfectly, that it felt like God chose "Nora" for our family.  Nora is a double orphan.  Surviving relatives from both sides signed consents.  Her birth family knew all about our family early on in the process and we were told we had their blessing to proceed.

Our dossier arrived in Uganda the beginning of May, then our court affidavits shortly after that.  We were told that there was a chance we would have Nora home with us in August.  However, on Thursday, Chuck and I received an email from our adoption agency asking us to call them for a conference call as soon as possible.  Chuck was driving home from Denver for a work trip, so we both called in separately.  Our caseworker started out by saying "there is no easy way to tell you this" and "I am very sorry."  Unbeknownst to us, Nora was born into a family of a different religion than ours.  We are choosing to leave the specific religion out.  When the religious cleric in her village found out Nora was going to be adopted into an American family, they protested and pressured her grandmother to withdraw her consent.  Now, the little girl who we fell in love with will remain in the orphanage.  Uganda is primarily a Christian nation, but this cleric is very influential.  Nora is in a Christian orphanage, so it seems to be more about the feelings regarding America than our faith.  We have been told there is nothing else we can do. 

I know from the outside, it might be hard to understand how this is so devastating.  On many levels, it can be compared to losing a child.  We have dreams for her.  We want her to feel loved and cherished.  We want her to have a family.  A mom and dad to tuck her in at night.  Siblings to love and to fight with.  Enough food to eat.  Access to an education.  We named her.  We prayed for her every single day.  She has a bedroom in our home.  Our kids picked out African American dolls for her.  She has a tub full of clothes.  We planned details of our lives around her being here.  We expected her to be here in 2 months.  Above all, we love Nora and we are devastated what this means for her future.

What are we going to do we do now?  We are praying for... the brokenness of our world, for Nora and, for God's comfort and peace, and for God's guidance on what His plan is for our family.

Like I said, we have been told there is nothing more we can do with our adoption of Nora.  We're still praying for the situation.  At the very least, we are hoping they will let us sponsor her.  Financially, we don't know how much money we lost through this process.  We know that we have paid $17,500 to date.  We may get some of this back, but it is not a huge concern of ours right now.  The money seems small in comparison to the loss of Nora. 

We do have the option to be matched with another child.  Right now, we don't feel ready to make this decision.  Our family is going to grieve this loss and see what God has in store for us.  God gave mankind free will.  He knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't mean it is what He wanted.  He hurts for us too. 

Our family is so very grateful for the support and love we have received from our family and friends through this journey.  We are still just in awe over the number of people who came along side us - to pray for Nora, help us through this process, and donate to our adoption.  Please be assured that we take financial responsibility very seriously.  All the funds raised for our adoption will remain in our separate account until we make a decision.  If we chose to not pursue international adoption further, the funds will be donated to our community's local adoption fund to help another family.