And More Truth...

I've already gotten a few emails and responses from people regarding "The Truth" and I want to clarify a few things.  Every adoption journey has a different story.  I encourage people to NOT judge anyone's adoption journey - it is very personal.  Furthermore, I am in no way saying that every adoption has corruption in it.  There are SO MANY kids out there that need a family, which makes our experience that much more frustrating.  

Why did you share your story?  A few reasons.  First of all, we did NOT share it to discourage anyone from adopting internationally.  We are still very much considering trying again.  We had someone tell us that adoption isn't easy and God made it that way for a reason.  He will stretch you to see if this is really what he calling you to do.  We believe that.

We are sharing our story because so many people partnered with us and we have chosen to be open in all aspects of this journey - the good, bad & ugly.  We also don't want other prospective adoptive parents to experience what we did (see below for what we would have done differently). 

Is there a need for international adoption?  There are kids of all ages who need families all over the world.  We feel strongly that adoptive families are not "rescuing" the children to give them a "better" life.  If a child can stay with their parents or biological relatives with some training and support, then that is what should happen!  International adoption should be the last resort.

What cases should a child be adopted internationally?

-  Unfortunately, parents get sick and often times die. 

-  Sadly, some parents chose not to raise their children.  They don't want to put in the effort to provide love, shelter, and food.  Despite being offered parenting training and financial assistance, they just don't want to parent for one reason or another.  In some cultures, when parents get divorced it is the man's right to take his children.  Then, he gets remarried and his new wife rejects his children from his first marriage.  Those kids are then forced out of the home. 

-  There are also kids who are born with special needs.  For instance, I recently connected with a woman who is adopting a deaf child.  This little girl is amazingly beautiful, but rejected by her own parents.  They see her deafness as a curse.  Her father abused her to the point that her mother took her to an orphanage and begged them to take her because she feared that her husband would kill their daughter.  They abandoned her when she was 2 years old.  Now at age 7, she has a family who is eagerly waiting to bring her home (please pray for them!).  Furthermore, there are children who have diseases that are a death sentence if they remain in their country.  However, if they come to America, receive the right treatment, they will live a full life.  Another example of a "special need," is a sibling group.  Relatives sometimes cannot take in 3-6 kids, but the kids all want to stay together.  So, the kids go into an orphanage or live on the street.

-  Extended family and people in their own country should be given a chance to take the kids in FIRST.  If all else fails, they deserve a family that will LOVE and CARE for them - that is where international adoption comes in.

What would we have done different?

Unfortunately, we just worked with the wrong people. 

If we start all over again...

-  We will chose a placing agency that had experience in the country we were adopting from.  We thought that it was enough that the agency had experience in other international countries, but it wasn't.  At least not for us.  We considered using a large agency, but worried we wouldn't receive personalized attention.  We have been extremely happy with the "large" agency that did our homestudy.

-  We wish we would have done third party orphan investigation right away.  A Child's Voice in Uganda is amazing.  It is possible to do this without even asking your agency.  BUT, do you want to work with an agency that wouldn't allow you to advocate on your own behalf?

-  We would do research on the in-country coordinators.  We would get recent references for the attorney the agency uses, plus the orphanage.

-  There are discussion groups on Facebook that I would recommend anyone considering adopting from Uganda join.  I did not know about them until the end of June.  The groups are called Truth in UG and Uganda Adoption.  The people in these groups provide tons of valuable info, but it is important to note that you have to sort out the info and decide for yourself.  What is right for them, might not be right for you. 

What is going to happen to the agency & orphanage? 

This question will be answered when we can.  We don't want to compromise the ongoing investigation.

What are we grateful for that came out of this process?

-  All of the people who have come along side us!  We are so blessed.

-  Our family has grown in our faith.  We feel called to serve orphans.  Maybe God is calling us to adopt a different child?  One who is has been over looked because of their age or a special need?  Maybe He is calling us to partner with an organization that helps families stay together?  Help provide education to those living in poverty? 

-  I'd like to think that because of what happened it may have prevented Nora from going into the orphanage.  Her family thought that she was going to be sponsored by us for school.  They were deceived into signing papers that they didn't understand.  What if we would have taken her from her family that wanted her?  I'm glad that now they know what could have happened and hopefully they can continue successfully caring for her..

In closing, there are very complicated emotions with this whole process.  We're getting through it the best we can and appreciate your support.  Things happen in life that we wish we didn't have to experience.  One thing is for certain - God is good all the time.  We take comfort in knowing that He is in charge of all the details of our lives.