Exciting Upcoming Fundraiser!

Our adoption journey began over six years ago.  We’ve faced our fair share of challenges – failed adoption in Uganda, program shutting down in Ghana, and disrupted out of state foster care adoption.  Right now, we are exactly where we are meant to be.  We are foster parents.

We’ve been foster parents for three and a half years.  Incredibly grateful that we said yes.  We have loved kids and their families beyond what we imagined possible.  The blessings have been abundant.  Each one of us have learned a tremendous amount about ourselves and our faith.  The little girl that has been with our family for 18 months has brought so much joy into our lives.  Our kids are wonderful little humans… most of the time!

May is National Foster Care Month.  It’s a month dedicated to all the children in the foster care system and a time to recognize that we can ALL do something to help.  Our family is excited to announce that we are partnering with Bighorn Design Studio for a fundraiser to benefit the organizations in our community involved with foster care, families, and children.  It will kick off May 1st.  We have huge goals.  Stay tuned for more details!  

It's Been Awhile...

We haven't updated our blog for almost two years.  The time has flown by!  Reading my prior post on the adoption disruption still makes my heart hurt, so that is where I am going to pick back up at.  

After the kids went back to their home state, we grieved big time.  I think I may have cried for three months straight.  We wrote a six page letter to their home state.  Our purpose for this was notify them of all our concerns regarding their system - foster parents that the kids lived with and caseworker in charge of this case.  We also hoped that it would outline the kids needs, so that they could get the help they needed.  

Due to the confidentiality of foster care, we were not able to find out much about how the kids were doing.  We knew that they returned to a foster home together.  We also saw their profiles a few months later online - and realized that the organization was now seeking separate homes for the kids.  That is really it though - we wanted to know more.

Fast forward to just a few months ago.  Adeline and I were flying out of the same airport that we were previously at with the kids on Wednesday, January 2nd.  The last time we were there was with the kids, which was mentioned and instantly a wave of sadness washed over everyone in the car.  We talked about how we still pray for them and we wish we just knew they were okay.  We were already feeling a little anxious as we were headed to Boston for two weeks for Adeline's hip surgery.  

THEN, on Friday, January 5th - I opened my email and there was a message from the family that adopted one of the children.  She found us randomly through our blog.  The state had given them paperwork with Christian and Adeline listed as the previous foster parents, so she searched everywhere for us.  She shared a brief update and pictures.  The kids were adopted separately, but still get to see each other.  We are overjoyed to know that they are both in wonderful families!

Adoption Disruption

How are things going with the kids?  Where are the kids?  We've been transparent through this whole journey.  This post will be no different.  It is really hard to understand how this has all happened to us.  I'm sure at some point, we'll be able to reflect back on somethings we would have done differently in hindsight.

The kids came to Wyoming, lived in our home with us, however - we made the decision to have the adoption "disrupted."  The kids should have never been placed in a home with kids their own age - ever.  To protect their privacy, I will refer to them as Kellan and Eleanor, which was what we had we had planned to legally change their names to after the adoption was final.  Unfortunately, it was entirely unsafe for them to be living in our home with our three children due to their trauma history.  Both kids were extremely aggressive, but had never been to therapy to address their attachment issues.  We consulted the best therapists and other trusted professionals before we made our decision.

Adoption disruption describes an adoption process that ends after a child is placed in an adoptive home and before the adoption is legally finalized, resulting in the child's return to foster care or another adoptive home.

This was absolutely the most difficult decision we have made as parents thus far.  We are at peace with our decision, but we obviously still care very much for the kids.  Chuck and I knew that we couldn't live with alarms on all the bedrooms.  Our kids were going to school in tears, our youngest was hiding beside our bed eating his meals alone, and everyone in our home was terrified.  Kellan and Eleanor needed more help than we could give them with three other young children.  We wanted and needed to protect the precious three children God had entrusted us with already.

Unfortunately, there were many things about Kellan and Eleanor that were not disclosed to us (and believe me we asked!).  Our family spent a week with them in their home state prior to placement, which went really well.  The psychology behind it is quite complicated, but it has been explained to us that during that visit we were simply strangers.  However, the move to Wyoming and integrating into our family was different.  Unfortunately, Kellan and Eleanor's previous families hurt them, so being in our home with us as family triggered huge trauma for them (reminded them of their past experiences with families). 

Kellan and Eleanor have returned to their home state.  Their family recruiter is now trying to find them a family where they can be the only children in the home.  The foster family they lived with for 2.5 years had 8-10 children in the home (prior to that they lived in a crisis shelter).  I cannot even begin to tell you how awful this foster family was to the kids.  And yes, we did file an abuse report.  Someone else did too in December, according to his school files that I got after they were in our custody.  If the only thing that comes of our hurt is that the kids are out of that home, thank God.

We feel hurt and betrayed by their home state.  The information they provided was not even remotely accurate.  The kids live in a large city where the system is flooded with more kids than foster parents.  Our hearts hurt for the kids.  Please keep them in your prayers. 

We've always felt called to adopt and truly don't feel like our family is complete.  There are so many waiting children.  We tried (and tried, and then tried again) to bring a child into our home that needed a family, but sometimes our plans are not God's.  This one is hard for me to understand.  Someday, I will.  We've learned a lot about trusting Him through this process.  Chuck and I are so blessed - our three kids are amazing.  It has been hard to watch them go through this with us, but they have each grown in big ways. 

Our family still believes in foster care.  It is an amazing way to serve children and families in your community.  The biggest blessing in our lives this past year has been to see Princess Elsa back with her mommy - the two of them happy and thriving.  We still get to see Elsa as the both of our families schedules allow.  She is one special little girl. 

Thank you, friends, for loving us through this journey ❤ 

Burgess ~ Party of Seven

picture source

We're excited to share that our family is growing by two!  Katie and I are leaving bright and early tomorrow to bring home our kiddos.  Our family was matched with siblings a few months ago through out of state foster care adoption. 

This joyous moment in our lives -- is going to take a village!  We ask for your prayers during this transition...

• Pray for our new children's healing and comfort.  He is in first grade and is 7 years old.  She is 4 years old. We've nicknamed them Happy Feet and Sassypants.  He loves to dance and she's sweet and a little sassy :)  This month marks THREE years that they have been in foster care.  They are African American and were born in the United States (only sharing this factoid because we had previously tried to adopt from two African countries).  Please understand that their story is their story - and our family will ALWAYS protect their privacy.   
• Pray for Adeline, Christian, and Paxton - this is huge change for them! 
• Pray for our marriage -- we've got a strong one, so I know we can do this.  Definitely lots of changes for us this Spring though.  Chuck made a career change a few weeks ago too.      
• Pray for Princess Elsa and her family.  After over a year in our home, she is transitioning full-time to her mommy today.  Her mommy has worked so hard and our family is so happy for them.  They are doing wonderful!  Elsa and Mommy will forever be a part of our family -- and we hope to be a part of theirs.
• Pray for the funding for our final adoption fees.  Local foster care adoption is 100% FREE, but foster care adoption across state lines ... is NOT, unfortunately.  This is because we had to hire an agency for all the paperwork that is required (see adoption costs).  Thankfully, PJ/ Bighorn Design, Sara, and Jessie has stepped to help us with a t-shirt fundraiser --- more on that next week!

Abbey has started a meal train that she will be sharing soon.  We are good on "stuff" for now.  Thank you to our Meadowlark family of teachers for loving on our kids so well as always.

Worth It

Anything worth doing is hard.  Like, real hard.  There are always blessings in the journey, however.

We completed our first homestudy in 2013, since then we have updated it two times.  We are coming up on our THIRD update to our homestudy this next month.  Over the past 3+ years, we have been tested for HIV, STDs, tuberculosis, and drugs.  We have been finger printed and screened.  Filled out mountains of paperwork.  All of this, not once, but multiple times.  Chuck and I have also completed many hours of training.  Part of our lives has been essentially on hold… prayerfully waiting.  First, there was our failed adoption in Uganda.  And, now Ghana has essentially stopped processing international adoptions.  It has been emotionally and financially draining. 

Based on advice from our agency, we made the difficult decision this week to not update our homestudy for international adoption from Ghana.  Our family will remain in the Ghana program, but our agency simply does not expect to have any referrals of children aged 0-8 years old in the foreseeable future.  We submitted our dossier in March 2015 and the last referral was May 2015.  We believe that God is in charge of the details and that He will continue to show Himself to us through this journey.

Our prayer still remains that someday we will be able to adopt a child that needs a family, but for now we feel like we have done everything we can do in regards to international adoption.  We plan to continue fostering children from within our community and explore foster care adoption in states where there are waiting children.  Over the past year, we have had four children in our home through foster care.  A four year old girl for one day.  A four year old boy for four months.  We currently have a three year old girl who has been with us for three months, plus a nine year old girl who is with us only for a few weeks.  Loving these children has been one of the biggest blessings in our adoption journey.  Something we almost missed out on because it seemed "too scary.”

The first thing many people ask when they find out we do foster care is, “isn’t it hard to let them go?”  Yes, yes… it really is.  However, Jason Johnson said it perfectly…

"Yet, as we weigh in balance what we stand to lose against what they stand to gain, the answer is simple - not always easy to do - but simple to see as worth it in the end. We can't let the fear of loving a child who might leave deter us; we must let the fear of a child never knowing love drive us."

Please join us in praying for children that are waiting for their forever family.  Blessings, Nicki

Adoption Update

It's been a long time since I last posted.  Unfortunately, there has not been much movement in our international adoption.  Our dossier was submitted to Ghana in March 2015.  The most recent referral in the Bethany Ghana Program was shortly after that.  We have not given up hope and will continue prayerfully waiting.  I'm not going to lie - the wait is so hard :(  However, we keep telling ourselves - God always has perfect timing!

Picture source

We were blessed to have two children stay with us through foster care in the past 6 months.  A four year old girl for just 24 hours.  Then, a four year old boy for 4 months (he is 9 days younger than our youngest!).  We learned a lot about parenting a child who has been through trauma and also about ourselves.  Undoubtedly, there is still more to learn.  I've come away from this experience knowing in my heart... this is one of my life's true callings.  Yes, it is hard.  There are things I would do different, better next time.  But, loving a child through a very difficult time in their lives is one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever had in my life.  Growing as a family in our faith.  Seeing our children make sacrifices to make someone else feel comfortable.  Making a difference.  Our daughter prays all the time that a child who needs a family will soon become a permanent part of ours. 
A sweet friend who recently adopted a child told me yesterday that God works in amazing ways when it comes to adoption.  She assured me that God will bring us through this in a way we'd never dream of.  So, today... I am clinging to this truth and His promises.
Blessings, Nicki

Because He Listens

Graphic design by  Glory Designs

Today is our 11th wedding anniversary.  I can't believe how fast it has gone - 13 years together, 11 years married, and 3 amazing kids.  We've had some stressful times (um, hello... adoption!), but I can honestly say that we are very happily married.  Looking forward to many, many more anniversaries together!

Not much new going on with our adoption journey, so this is sort of an update without really update!  We just found out we have to update our homestudy for the THIRD time due to the fact that our I-600A approval from USCIS is about to expire.  Updating our homestudy is very time consuming and a little discouraging, but we are hopeful that this could be the last time we have to do this.  Currently, we are 1 of 9 families with dossiers submitted in the Bethany Ghana program who are waiting to be matched with a child.  Only one other family other than ours that is open to an older child.  We were told it would be approximately 12-24 months after dossier submission for our family to be matched with a child.  We submitted our dossier in March 2015, so we have not even been waiting for 12 months yet.  With our failed adoption, feels like it has been forever!  I try not to let myself think it could be sooner, because in reality it could also be so much longer.  I have really enjoyed meeting a few new adoptive families in Bethany's Ghana program.  The little girl featured in this article just came home last week.  Her sweet mama has been a huge encouragement to me. 

This past week, we started working on our spare bedroom to get it ready for a little person to join our family!  Along with international adoption, our family is also in process of completing the last steps of being able to foster a child from our community if needed.  We started this process almost a year ago and are now far enough along that we could bring a child into our home.  Hoping to finish up the last few trainings this fall.

Please be praying for all the kiddos worldwide who are waiting for their forever families.  Blessings to you and your family.