The kids came to Wyoming, lived in our home with us, however - we made the decision to have the adoption "disrupted." The kids should have never been placed in a home with kids their own age - ever. To protect their privacy, I will refer to them as Kellan and Eleanor, which was what we had we had planned to legally change their names to after the adoption was final. Unfortunately, it was entirely unsafe for them to be living in our home with our three children due to their trauma history. Both kids were extremely aggressive, but had never been to therapy to address their attachment issues. We consulted the best therapists and other trusted professionals before we made our decision.
Adoption disruption describes an adoption process that ends after a child is placed in an adoptive home and before the adoption is legally finalized, resulting in the child's return to foster care or another adoptive home.
This was absolutely the most difficult decision we have made as parents thus far. We are at peace with our decision, but we obviously still care very much for the kids. Chuck and I knew that we couldn't live with alarms on all the bedrooms. Our kids were going to school in tears, our youngest was hiding beside our bed eating his meals alone, and everyone in our home was terrified. Kellan and Eleanor needed more help than we could give them with three other young children. We wanted and needed to protect the precious three children God had entrusted us with already.
Unfortunately, there were many things about Kellan and Eleanor that were not disclosed to us (and believe me we asked!). Our family spent a week with them in their home state prior to placement, which went really well. The psychology behind it is quite complicated, but it has been explained to us that during that visit we were simply strangers. However, the move to Wyoming and integrating into our family was different. Unfortunately, Kellan and Eleanor's previous families hurt them, so being in our home with us as family triggered huge trauma for them (reminded them of their past experiences with families).
Kellan and Eleanor have returned to their home state. Their family recruiter is now trying to find them a family where they can be the only children in the home. The foster family they lived with for 2.5 years had 8-10 children in the home (prior to that they lived in a crisis shelter). I cannot even begin to tell you how awful this foster family was to the kids. And yes, we did file an abuse report. Someone else did too in December, according to his school files that I got after they were in our custody. If the only thing that comes of our hurt is that the kids are out of that home, thank God.
We feel hurt and betrayed by their home state. The information they provided was not even remotely accurate. The kids live in a large city where the system is flooded with more kids than foster parents. Our hearts hurt for the kids. Please keep them in your prayers.
Our family still believes in foster care. It is an amazing way to serve children and families in your community. The biggest blessing in our lives this past year has been to see Princess Elsa back with her mommy - the two of them happy and thriving. We still get to see Elsa as the both of our families schedules allow. She is one special little girl.
Thank you, friends, for loving us through this journey ❤